What Is Your Truth
PostedThis is a question that was posed to me by a faithful reader. If you have read all two of my posts, you are a faithful reader! It's so easy for me to forget that what is crystal clear in my head and my heart may not be so self-evident to others. Never much for ambiguity, it is only fair that I lay it all on the table.
A worldview quiz that I took recently described me as a "hateful Calvinist." Lovely. In everything that I write, I am coming from a place where there is one God. And what I believe about that God is that he is right and that he is good and, even more simply, that he IS. I remember having a conversation with a friend back in the olden days before I believed the things I believe now. We were talking about what we thought heaven was like. He said that he believed heaven was whatever you believed it to be. And I thought that was profound and beautiful. Now, of course, I think that is absolute crap, but I didn't come to that conclusion by being smart and figuring everything out. There is a whole sordid tale which brings me to where I am now in my Truth which I'm not going to tell here. I have to let my Truth speak for itself.
My truth consists of one God who has existed eternally and spoke the universe into existence complete with its laws of physics and science and nature and beauty and mystery. He is a God of order and not of chaos. He is not a schizophrenic God who hangs out in heaven chumming it up with other gods (or various facets of his god-like personality), making up different religions, imposing various restrictions and regulations and demanding worship to feed his monstrous ego. He is a God who from the very birth of his creation has had a plan for the ultimate redemption of humanity and this plan can be traced throughout all of history and is realized in the birth, life, death and resurrection of Jesus. I believe that the cornerstone of all our struggles and questions regarding matters of faith and life and death and after-life is that self same Jesus. I believe his is the name we trip over and will be forced to reckon with at some time or another.
I believe that every single person who ever lived (with the exception of Jesus), whether knowingly or unknowingly; willingly or unwillingly, has rejected their Creator and is in dire need of being restored to him. Again, it is through Jesus and Jesus alone that this restoration occurs. These are terrifying things to write down and publish, because I know so well how to certain ears they sound awful and narrow and yes, hateful. But they are not! These things are beautiful and open and inclusive and tolerant and loving and merciful and patient and forgiving...but to make them appear so is not something I am able to transfer onto anyone, much as I would like to. It's like the illustration that so many of us have heard time and time again: If you a building were on fire and people you loved were trapped inside, and you knew the only route of escape, would you tell them about it, or let them wander around to figure it out for themselves? In all honesty, that would be so much easier.
The same person who posed the "What is you truth" question also asked me another question once. She asked me how it makes me feel when people like herself, and others among my family and friends, don't share my beliefs. I spent a long time trying to answer that question with magic life transforming words, but have regretted my clumsy attempt ever since. The short answer is that it makes me feel horrible. It makes me sad and lonely and heart broken. And it is HARD. It was so much easier when I didn't believe - easier to be popular, easier to agree with, easier to be right. It is not fun knowing that people think I'm narrow and ignorant and intolerant. But the beautiful thing is, no matter how often I might think I was better off not believing, the Truth that has infiltrated me keeps hold of me with a vice grip and refuses to let go.
I know that I come from a white bread, affluent, sheltered, uneducated and relatively unworldly (American) perspective. I don't have clever answers for clever questions regarding cultures and worldviews that are utterly beyond my realm of comprehension. However, I do believe that my worldview is actually a far cry from the homogenized concept of American Christianity. There are clever answers out there for every difficult question and I'm more than happy to track them down if the need arises.
My hope and intention is simply to create a deep longing in myself and in others to know exactly what it is that calls to our souls when we contemplate the futility of life and cry into our pillows when we think no one can hear us.
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Hi Jessica,
Yes, you do sound a bit like a calvinist, but not a bit hateful :)
I appreciate how you clearly, truthfully, and powerfully portrayed God as from the beginning of eternity bound and determined to rescue a rebellious creation. Great post!
Well, kudos to you, kiddo, for taking on the hard questions and putting out an honest answer, which takes a lot of courage. And I know that it is your faith that sustains you. I would only encourage you to keep in mind what you say about God--that it is so WAY bigger than we humans can contemplate. Assign anything to One God (a concept, a gender, an idea, hell--even a Truth) and then say that God is also not only the very opposite of that assignation, but also everything else in BETWEEN those opposites ... AND so much more, always. (For example, how can a God of order exist without chaos? Or good without evil? An entity cannot exist without its opposite. Have you ever tried to imagine what you would look like without a back?)
This approach I've found--in conjunction with an ever-expanding world view--allows me to get beyond any frustration I might feel if someone doesn't agree with what I believe.
Cuz if God created the whole universe (and then some, I'm guessing), then God created EVERYTHING in the universe, whether we assign positive or negative value to anything. And the best and simplest--though scariest--approach I've found: try your best to love it all.
Again, the following was originally posted on my facebook profile, but i wanted to move it here so that any comments appear in context:
Kyung Endres Posted at 12:49pm September 26
Hateful Calvinist seems so harsh. The dismissal of religion is not the same as finding irrelevance in a power greater than oneself. The disdain for man made temples and rituals does not minimize the glory of goodness. A person who does not find solace in religion or its manifestations has not rejected the wonder and beauty of this life or the next. This person has simply not found public exoneration tenable or sincere. All relationships are very personal and are to be respected and nurtured. What is the difference between your relationship with people and your relationship to that one true power or religion? I had a girlfriend who I learned was a hater. She didn't even know she was talking smack about people because they had certain undesirable physical characteristics. It was just a part of who she was and the culture in which she had grown up in. I decided to terminate this friendship because I didn't want to associate with someone who was closed to love. I felt she had judged these people and categorized them without knowing anything about them, without compassion. This emotion is the cornerstone of all relationships. The god of compassion is relationship worthy. The religion of judgment, the opposite of compassion, is not.
Yes, the question of how to escape the burning building is an easier one to deal with & I hate that!
Very thoughtful & articulate post!
I AM WHO I AM.
For me, this (i.e. Exodus 3:14) is absolutely the most fundamental concept in existence for helping a human mind understand its' relationship to something which is by definition, outside the scope of its' own understanding. How could it be cruel (as so often characterized) to think that The One who simply is would regard all else in whichever way He sees fit (and here, 'in whichever way He sees fit' is terribly inadequate, as it implies an arbitrary decision to do so - I should more accurately mean, simply, 'in the way in which He regards it')? Truthfully, He could relate to it in no other way. If we reject this, preferring to place our own restrictions on His nature and how He should regard what is His creation - then our belief becomes nothing more than a belief in a meaningless nothing which we have invented on our own.
Holiness. Do we really grasp the meaning of this word? What does it mean for something to be holy? It describes that which is Right by no means other than of being exactly what it is. And - in our own hearts, we know that this does not remotely describe ourselves, the way that we are.
So what are we to do? We are lost.
How can that which is imperfect produce perfection in itself? Through meditation? Through denial of the self? No, the idea that this is possible at all is inherently illogical - a body can no more support itself in empty space than an imperfect being make itself perfect by any means of its' own. Every person on the face of the Earth has the ability, when they wish to be honest in their thinking, to come to this realization - independent of any outside suggestion. It is this concept which I believe to be the pivotal point of our existence. It is why we do not believe in salvation by works, or by a mushy 'all roads lead to nirvana' philosophy. Rather, we understand that there is a fundamental problem, and that it is outside of our ability to rectify it - by definition, we are in the hands of mercy (that is, realization of our imperfection implies the existence of some perfection outside ourselves). It is only through acceptance of the true nature of things (i.e. that we can't repair this ourselves) that we become able to accept this mercy at all - it would be a contradiction to say one could believe, and yet deny the nature of the object of that belief.
How then, are we to act? To use your analogy...there are people we care about who are in your burning building. If we drag them out by force, we accomplish nothing. If we convince them to leave by producing in them a sufficient fear, we also accomplish nothing. If we wish to be successful in the only meaningful way, we will realize: it is not the fire which threatens them - it is their desire to remain in the building.
So in the end, please don't allow yourself to become discouraged when some think you're intolerant because you wish they could see the harmful thing they are clinging to. It is only the same defensiveness seen in the alcoholic when they are told that there is a wonderful life out there for them as soon as they stop wanting the drug. Some will die while still on the bottle, and that is tragic, but some will come around eventually and afterward won't be able to fathom how it is that they went on for so long preferring to exist in that unhealthy state.
This is how I arrive at my basically deterministic understanding of these things; in the end, those who wish to see will see, and those wish not to, will not.
Oh, and by the way...I should've begun by saying...Hi Jess! I hope I have made some sense and haven't strayed too far from the heart of your topic.
-jer
Wow. I am absolutely amazed and honored by how many people have taken time not only to read my meanderings, but also to comment on them. It's fascinating to see and hear what people have to say...I hope you all keep hanging around.
I'm not big on words and am not profound in my thoughts. I do know this, meeting God and knowing His son, Jesus has made all the difference in my life. He is my all in all and I am free to be who I am because of Him. It doesn't matter to me what others say about me, it just matters what my God says, and He loves me warts and all! Jessica you don't sound like a Calvinist to me and when I read your words they lift my spirit. I want to dance and sing and worship my God and Savior so thank you for your thoughts!
I am finally getting around to answering a question that was posted a while ago...sorry for being such a slacker:
"What is the difference between your relationship with people and your relationship to that one true power or religion?"
I actually think about this a lot. I think the way I go about both my relationships with people and my relationship with God are fairly similar...and not necessarily in a good way. I tend to like to spend time alone, or with Dan, or with a specific friend for a designated period of time. Sometimes, though, I get mopey because I think no one likes me or seeks out my friendship. And this is ridiculous because I am an absolute wretch at nurturing my friendships. I have a few close friends who I love dearly, but I have to admit that part of what makes our friendships so easy is that there are literally no expectations...except that we always have the knowledge that we are loved by each other. When a relationship involves effort or flexibility or difficulty or requires confrontation or dissimilar interests, I, much to my shame, tend to fade away from those relationships pretty quickly. I think I miss out on a lot of maturing because of that, not to mention the incredibly rich friendships I could have if I were willing to put forth a little effort and stop being so selfish with my time.
With God, I know that the prerequisite conditions have been met. I am his and he is God and he can (and will) aptly handle absolutely anything that I throw at him...or don't. I am constantly aware of his presence and am constantly being compelled to know him better. And, like with so many of my friends, I often push the compulsion aside knowing that he loves me and will be there when I get around to spending time with him. This is a fairly gross reality...but I think it is a reality. Ugh...I long so often for the desire to desire really seeking and knowing God better and better...just as I often long for the desire to desire pursuing deep and powerful relationships with people. When it comes down to it, I am lazy. And selfish. And probably concerned that maybe I will discover that, as I spend time with them, neither God nor people like me much.
Sort-of along the same lines...I have to say that my relationship with God has given me an ability to love people in a much more real way than I ever could before I knew him. I don't know that people are able to properly love - selflessly and completely - until they have some small revelation of God's unbearable love for his creation.
i should always remember that posting a comment while i am work is not conducive to...articulate-ness. (See?)
I feel so very full from reading all of these comments..i want to just sit and be still and think of these things; letting the Lord teach me as He as taught you.
I have more things to say..perhaps i will post them soon. But until then, thank you for your friendship that truly makes me happier.